Hi Will - I am sorry you are having such issues and not much help in getting things corrected. Starting over is not easy.  I have done it a few times when I switched CMS and Social Networks. Don't abandon your project - it may be better to try another platform. I am a huge fan of Elgg and have it running on some sites.  I also have humhub running one of my sites.

My main site molosserdogs.com is a UNA site and I have had good success with it. I had a few problems when I switched from Dolphin and got help from UNA team and a super cool programmer friend I have who does stuff for IBM.

I do hope that someone from UNA jumps in and help you out before you have to chuck it on the grill and fire it UP.