So I have been messing around to see if I can get the notifications set to match what the members want but that seems to be impossible or I am not doing something right. 

For example, if you have Profiles Subscriptions (add connection) UNCHECKED - The member will not receive a notification that someone has 'followed' them. If you CHECK it, they will but, they also receive ALL of the notifications of other friends/followers when THEY follow other people. 

So imagine this. You are friends or following 100 members. If all 100 of them happen to become friends with just 1 person, You are going to receive a massive 200 site notifications. 1 for 'become friends' and the other for the 'follow' since when you become friends, you automatically follow. 

Not good.